New Year Thoughts and Wishes

As the New Year approaches, I've been reflecting on all that has occurred during 2014... Many of us will be glad to see the back of the year, as in life many things may have happened which perhaps we would rather forget.

2014 for me, has been full of many mixed Blessings  for which I am truly grateful. Whether good or bad in nature, they have taught me a great deal about myself, other people and the world in which I live.

I have been blessed with family and friends who have supported me in many ways throughout the year and for that I will always remain truly grateful. They have walked alongside me in friendship and love over the past twelve months and have made my life that much richer. During 2014, I was privileged to meet some lovely new people who have become very close to my heart. Unfortunately, some friends have left my life during the year, but I truly wish them well for the future and will always remain grateful for the part that they played in my life.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of concentrating on the negative aspects of the past year, but experiences that we may perceive as negative are in fact lessons for life. They give us invaluable experience and help us grow.

I am wholeheartedly looking forward to the coming of 2015 and all that it has to offer. I will endeavour to remain as positive as I am now about the future and look forward to the challenges which lie ahead.

Regardless of how we feel about life right now, there is always something to be grateful for and I for one am extremely grateful not only for the life I now lead, but also for the people who are part of it.

On that note, I would like to wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year and hope that you find much Peace, Joy and Love throughout 2015....

God Bless x

The Start of a New Day

It's a bit nippy out there this morning.... There has been a sharp frost and the street is twinkling as if covered in a million diamonds. The sun is desperately trying to rise and the air is cold and clear.

Early morning is a beautiful part of the day, not that I see it very often as early as I did this morning, but hey, it was lovely to be up and about in the silence before the world fully woke up and the noise of the day began with all the hustle and bustle of every day life.

The cycle of day and night is a wondrous thing and is full of beauty... the first signs of dawn and the rising of the sun, lights up the sky like nothing else; it wakes us up and prepares us for the day ahead, whilst the setting of the sun casts a spectacular ray of colours and as the moon and stars present themselves, our body prepares itself for much needed rest and recuperation.

Both early morning and dusk is a great time to reflect on both the coming of a new day and indeed all that the day has offered... the people we have interacted with as we have gone about our daily lives, the places we have visited  and all that has been achieved. The rising of the sun always brings an inner feeling of joy, for we are not promised the coming day and it is therefore a gift. It gives each and every one of us a chance to start anew, to be a better person and in our own small way offer what we have to the world and indeed others.

I hope that all who reads this entry, has a lovely day full of happiness and joy.

The Complexity that is You

Many years ago as a student nurse I came across a beautiful old poem about a 'Crabbit Old Woman' otherwise known as Kate's poem... It made me think both then and now that we as humans automatically make judgements about people when we meet them... we often make a rash decision based upon what we see and don't always take into account the complexities or humanity of the person before us. We judge people by their appearance, colour, gender, age, to name but a few... Although this is a natural thing to do, it can also be very shallow.

As humans, we all have a life story and different experiences which makes up the rich tapestry of our lives. We come from different backgrounds have been to different schools, worked at different jobs, been in love or not. We have encountered different trials and tribulations and from our collective experience throughout our life it makes us into the person that we are.

So what is this post all about??? I suppose for me personally, it's not to judge a book by it's cover and to appreciate the richness that each and everyone of us has to offer :-)

Enjoy the poem - it has always been one of my favourites :-) x

Discernment for the Future

Over the past few months, I have experienced much internal change... It feels like the end of a very long journey of self discovery and discernment and yet in reality, it is just the beginning of a new way of being.

The past twenty years or so, have shaped me into the adult that I am today and although there are many things that I would like to change in my life, I am at last able to embrace both the positive and negative aspects of my past and see them for what they really are - a valuable learning experience which has broadened my mind and brought me to the very point that I am today. Without such experiences, I very probably would not be typing this entry and indeed I would not be walking the path that I currently tread. I have learned that all experience, whether positive or negative in nature, is a valuable learning tool as it helps us to reflect on past experiences and take action for the future in a positive and meaningful way.

The world that I know, seems to have changed greatly in a relatively short space of time, or at least it feels like that. I am guilty at times of hampering of what once was rather than what is.... Although reflection on the past is useful, it can hinder future progress if we become stuck in an ever perpetuating cycle of  demented reminiscence.

At  Midnight Mass this evening, I couldn't help but think about how much things have changed to the life that I once knew and thankfully my thoughts were positive and constructive.... I was thinking how I could adapt to the change that has taken place and how I could evolve from the person that I am here and now to the person that I would like to become.

I feel blessed at the moment to have some clarity of thought, but also realise that whatever the future holds for me will be an ongoing process of discernment. Whatever the future does actually bring, is really not that important right now.... all that is important, is to keep going forward with an open mind and keeping myself in check to try and halt any hindrance to that process through embracing what life has to offer each and every day :-)

Christmas Thoughts

Christmas comes but once a year - a time for school concerts, Christmas parties, mince pies, over indulgence, gifts and the hope of snow. Its a time to put up the decorations and get together with friends and family... a time to come together and share a meal and to share some special time together...

Christmas is a time to think of those less fortunate than ourselves; the hungry, the poor, the sick, the elderly, those who are lonely and the homeless. Its a time when most peoples hearts soften and for a little while, we think about others rather than just ourselves. We realise how fortunate we are when we look at the lives of others and it sparks in many of us a feeling of wanting to help in some way.

Why is it that we only do this once a year? why is it not like this every day? Is this not what Christmas is all about? Is not the spirit of Christmas meant to be shared each and every day? Should we not be a bit more selfless and consider others needs throughout the year?

Our society has changed so much over the years, emails have replaced letters, social media sites have taken over spending physical time with friends and family... we seem to live in a virtual reality and in a sense, we seem to lose touch with the world in which we live. We become ever more selfish with our own wants and desires and fail to see what is on our doorstep.  We only seem to snap back into reality when our lives are touched by illness, bereavement or some catastrophe which is not part of our normal way of being.

Very recently, I have been reading a book called 'The God of Surprises'... it is a book on the spiritual self. It looks at the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of the person and how they are inextricably linked. The book suggests that we as individuals, tend to concentrate on only one or two aspects of self and that at least one aspect is usually neglected. Over the past few weeks as I have worked through the book, I have come to realise that we as individuals are fragmented creatures... we become wrapped up in the physical and psychological aspects of self... our wants and desires take precedence over everything else. We continually strive for bigger and better things and as we do this our anxieties and stress levels increase... we detach ourselves from our spiritual selves and we feel empty. Happiness becomes a fleeting thing as we continually strive to buy our next fix of happiness in physical objects, for example a new car, items of clothing etc.... This pursuit of happiness is however futile as we constantly want more and more... Happiness comes from within and can only be realised through our spiritual self - our own spiritual journey of self discovery.... A journey which opens our eyes to others, the world and God as they really are... a journey which helps us to shed the materialistic aspects of self. Whilst on this journey, we soon come to realise that our inner joy comes from giving and not receiving.....

Christmas is a good time to reflect on our lives, a time to take stock where we are up to. A time when we can ask ourselves - am I a good person?, do I do what I can for others or could I do more? It's also a time when we can consider our deepest spiritual aspects and try in some way to become 'whole' again. Christmas gives each and everyone of us that chance to start afresh... to turn over a new leaf and to begin to treat each day with a good heart and to consider the needs of those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

This blog entry seems to be turning into a sermon rather than just the ramblings of an over thinker, but in truth it's not meant to be.... these are just my thoughts and feelings and how perhaps I can become a better person....

To those of you who are reading this entry, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and you're family a very Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year... I will light a candle for all you're thoughts and intentions at midnight Mass tomorrow... God Bless x

An Inner Transformation

This year has flown by so quickly and so much has happened in a relatively short space of time that it makes me wonder what the next 12 months will have in store for me... There have been many external changes this year, like moving house, making decisions about career etc, but these changes are minor in comparison to the inner changes that have taken place...

For years, there has been a feeling of inner unrest, an inner noise which could not be ignored... this 'noise' made me walk unfamiliar paths and made me ever so determined to  somehow try and silence it. The more I pushed 'the noise' further from my consciousness, the more unhappy I became... the more anxious and ever more 'lost'. Thoughts and feelings which were once so familiar and comforting became alien to me and an inner turmoil ensued which affected every aspect of my being. 

It was only on a recent trip to Italy that things changed... It all happened as I visited St Peters Basilica in Rome, I wanted to go and light a candle and say a prayer at the tomb of St John Paul, as more than twenty years had passed since I was last in Rome and in that time much had changed. It was as I sat in the side chapel where St John Paul's body is buried, that this inner feeling of peace eventually came. There was no clap of thunder, no bedazzling lights, in fact there was nothing out of the ordinary with exception of sitting in this beautiful Basilica at the Vatican... 

As I sat in the side chapel, I started to feel 'different'.... I wasn't sure in what way initially, but all I knew was that something felt different within. I couldn't quite put my finger on what I felt but I somehow knew that it would be transformational. I continued walking around the Basilica, blending in with the huge crowds of people that were there, until a small bell rang in one of the other side chapels. It was twelve o'clock  and a couple of altar servers and a priest came as if from no where, processing down the small aisle and up to the altar - Mass was about to be celebrated. 

As a lapsed Catholic for over twenty years, I hadn't planned on attending Mass and yet that's exactly what did happen. As I sat there in the pew, it didn't seem to matter that the service was in Italian, the Mass somehow transcended language. If I'm honest, I'm not actually sure what I was thinking about... I just sat there and watched silently... Whatever change that was taking place in me, happened in that very moment of time.... I might as well have been sitting there all alone, as the thousands of people that were at the Basilica somehow faded into the background. The external noise was drowned out by an overwhelming silence within. I can't honestly remember the last time that I felt like that, if ever I did at all; all that I did know was that the silence was deafening.

The experience was cathartic, much like that of a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis. Past hurts seemed to be righted, inner anxieties - calmed and a sense of a new beginning was apparent.

Since returning home from Italy, that feeling of peace has remained and many ghosts of the past have been laid to rest. Life feels so much different right now... there is a feeling of inner happiness, its a feeling that is difficult to describe, but yet a feeling that I somehow want to share with others. For such a long time I felt a feeling of unrest, of searching and a quest to find that inner feeling of joy. I am unsure what has happened internally that was so transformational, but I do know that it has changed both my internal and external life in so many ways. I have made some life changing decisions since returning home which have already shaped my future into something exciting and new, but that is for another time ;-) .