Called to serve

Discernment is a pretty tricky affair! Having strong feelings about the way in which I need to live my life and the actual will of God can be two very different things! Sometimes both feel as if they oppose each other and some difficult decisions need to be made. One thing I do know is that it's not an easy affair and the internal struggles and feelings of an inner isolation, set apart from the world appears to be one of the defining features.

Over the years, I have considered how best to live my life and have made choices which have moulded me into the person that I am today - family and career being two of the most defining aspects and yet an inner gnawing which has been with me since childhood, simply wont go away... As a result, some painful decisions have been made and processes put in place in order to start a new journey in faith...

Over the past twenty years or so, I have made the ultimate decisions in my life and have repressed and dis regarded my spiritual self as it simply felt too high a price to pay... and yet now, in this my third chapter of life, all that I have built and all that I know has been turned on it's head, as I strive for that which I feel was always meant to be.

A couple of weeks ago, I went on a personal, silent retreat.... What I learned from that retreat was my own human frailty... my wants and desires and more importantly my faults. We all have them, for that is part of being human... but how we address them is another thing. By simply being mindful of them can we strive to work at them which ultimately will  us  to become better people....

For now, all I need do is to take refuge in God and pray that my faith will sustain me as I move forward into an unknown chapter of my life.

One of Life's Challenges

There have been so many times that I have felt 'lost', unsure what to do with myself or where my life was leading me... I have felt this during both good and more difficult times in life and have wandered about as if in darkness stumbling from one thing to another, frightened to let go of any part, in case I felt even more 'lost'.

For much of my life, I have busied myself to the extent that I have rarely even taken a moment to sit back, to think and simply consider the endless opportunities that there are out there for me. In truth, I was scared and became apathetic to the life which I was leading, drifting on as the years passed by.
For me, It has taken a significant event to happen in my life which has made me stop and reflect and although at times it has been difficult, it has been a period of renewal and growth, which has given me much internal peace and happiness. It has not been an easy process and it has forced me to accept change which is always difficult - well for me anyway, as I am such a creature of habit!

Life is for living... what more can I say? We only get one, so we had best make the best of it and not waste what the world has to offer. I truly believe that each and everyone of us has a purpose in life, the challenge is to find that purpose and if brave enough, to follow it. If we are able to do this, we will find much treasure, in the form of internal peace and happiness which we all crave and the futility of searching for something external will cease.

There are so many obstacles in life which can stop us in our tracks or even 'de rail us', such as illness, death, changes in personal circumstances, the list is endless and it is at these times I have found that it is essential to take stock, listen to our internal voice / gut and to push forwards. It is so very easy to resign ourselves to negative influences or circumstances which is the real enemy to 'self', as it stops us from progressing in life to finding that one thing which we all want - Happiness :-) x

The freedom that comes from 'Letting Go'....

Life changes so quickly and at times it feels as if it is out of my control.... People I meet, life experiences that I have, all play a part in the bigger picture of who I am and what I will become... Sometimes you just need to let go and trust that you're destiny will lead you to where you are meant to be. Having faith in God and humanity should be enough, but it is pretty scary at the pace of change that is happening and yet very weirdly - exciting.... For me, I think it is all about 'letting go' and allowing what will be. It's not a good time to be a control freak and although the lack of control is rather frightening, it is exhilarating at the same time. The deep sense of freedom that I feel right now is overwhelming and that in itself is a great blessing which in turn gives a sense of deep internal peace.

I know that I usually tend to over complicate things in life and being a natural over thinker does at times hinder my progress, but this is a time of transformation and renewal for me... The start of an epic journey to the very core of who I really am... I just wish I could share this with you all :-) x

Leaving the Comfort Zone...

No one said that life would be easy.... we are not born with an instruction manual, more's the pity... There will be times in life when we are faced with huge mountains to climb which at the time may feel insurmountable, but in truth, they are simply paths which lead to change.

Why is it that the majority of us fear change so much? Is it because we become so  entrenched in our comfort zone and blaze e  in life, that we are afraid of the unknown in case we upset the status quo, or is it because we are afraid of losing the familiarity that surrounds the life that we have built?

Change gives each and everyone of us, an opportunity to grow and to experience new possibilities in life. We remain masters of our own destiny, even if change is forced upon us.

Change does not necessarily mean the end of something, it can simply be a new chapter in life which allows endless opportunities and experiences if only we are brave enough to take that first step into the unknown...

Politics... A need for change where People come first!

The time is fast approaching for the general election and I for one, for the first time ever, have no idea who to vote for.... The main political parties all seem to say the same thing and are very much alike.... I am so sick of empty promises and once in power, nothing seems to change!

So what do I want?

Better health care with more nursing and medical staff and equality for all medical conditions. People should receive the treatment that they need... it shouldn't be down to money...

A better and improved Education system, where all our children have  the very best education - after all, they are the future and deserve the very best in life...

A fairer social system, where those in real need are helped and supported. People should not live in such extreme poverty, relying on food banks in order to live !

For our elderly to be cared for... They so often seem to be forgotten and at their time of life should not have to live in poverty, fearing how they will keep warm...

For equality for all with no stigma.... people should be allowed to be who they are without fear of being judged and free from discrimination.

For tighter control on our borders and to eradicate extremism in our country - making it a safer place to live.

For our ex service men and women to be cared for - again, it seems that they are another forgotten group within society... They should not be homeless and live in poverty and they should receive the proper care, attention and respect that they deserve.

I could go on and on.... but in a nut shell, I want a better and safer country to live in, where we as individuals are treated equally, free from poverty with better health care and education.

We were once a great nation... what has happened?

At the end of the day, I think my vote will come down to who I think will deliver what they say and who are passionate about people, not politics.

It's time to look beyond the parties and look towards those who strive for the very best for us... who that is right now, I just don't know, but I am sure that things will become clear as time goes on...

I am not usually a political beast, but I really feel that change is needed - where people matter and not money!

Forgiveness - One of Life's great lessons

Earlier today whilst attending mass, I saw a friend that I had not seen since attending high school some years ago. This person was a close friend of mine, but for some reason or another, in the stupidity of our youth, we fell out. Over two decades have passed and since then we have both lived our lives in our own ways - married, had children, built our careers etc. It struck me as I sat there, that the years just melted away and the reasons why we fell out, which now escape me are insignificant.

Much water has gone under the bridge and it became apparent to me that in itself, time is indeed a great healer... Is this because we have matured as we have grown up and become adults and parents, or is it because we have come to realise that life is very short and past 'issues' which caused the fall out are no longer important? Whatever the reason, as we begin this season of lent, I do feel really blessed that I had this encounter with my old friend and in the spirit of the season we forgave ourselves and each other...

In life, we encounter many different people, on all different levels and each one leaves a mark on our lives. Over the years, I have been so blessed to have a rich and diverse mixture of friends who have shared parts of my life and have taught me many lessons. Some of these, remain friends today, whilst others have moved on in different directions with their lives. Unfortunately,  due to my humanity and my many failings, I have fallen out with some people whom I used to call friends. At times in my life, either due to ego or pride, I have sacrificed the friendship that we once had...

Perhaps this is a lesson that I need to learn... to find a greater sense of humility and acceptance of others, to forgive my own many failings and to forgive those who for whatever reason have left my life due to whatever circumstance. Holding onto hurt or hatred in any form is unproductive and of detriment to myself and my growth. It is certainly a point that I will ponder for some time and very hopefully will not make the same mistakes that I have made in the past.

Reaching out to others - finding true joy

Lent is fast approaching and I have been thinking about what to do over this period of 'sacrifice'..... Most years I have given something up, for example alcohol, chocolate etc, but this year I want to do something a bit different... Perhaps do something on a more practical level, which might make a small difference to someone's life / lives... I have considered many things, for example, visiting the elderly, help out at a soup kitchen for the homeless, get involved in some form of charitable work etc... But sometimes, it is just the small things that make a difference to people's lives, making someone smile, sharing a coffee and just 'being there' for someone.... Whatever I eventually decide to do, this year for me will not solely be a form of abstinence.

Lent is very much like the New Year... We all make resolutions that we find difficult to keep as the weeks pass... the difference for me, is that New Year generally tends to be about what we do for ourselves, whereas Lent is a time of doing something for others - a time to reach out and to share.... When I do something for others that seems to have a more lasting effect rather indulging myself.

This post could be construed as being 'religious' in nature and for me I suppose that yes it is as I try to follow my Christian Faith and be a 'better person'... But on a more secular level, I think that most of us are looking for some form of internal happiness and a sense of inner peace... what better way can we experience this than by giving to others. From my own experience, I do find a sense of happiness by making someone else happy or by simply giving them some of my time. For me, this is usually achieved by doing it in a way that is private, that is, not shouting from the roof tops what I am doing, but instead doing it quietly, not looking for praise from others or any form of recompense. Doing it in this way is what gives me that feeling of internal joy.

This post is not meant to sound like I am preaching, but instead they are my own personal thoughts on how I might be able to help other people, whilst trying to be a better person myself.