Called to serve

Discernment is a pretty tricky affair! Having strong feelings about the way in which I need to live my life and the actual will of God can be two very different things! Sometimes both feel as if they oppose each other and some difficult decisions need to be made. One thing I do know is that it's not an easy affair and the internal struggles and feelings of an inner isolation, set apart from the world appears to be one of the defining features.

Over the years, I have considered how best to live my life and have made choices which have moulded me into the person that I am today - family and career being two of the most defining aspects and yet an inner gnawing which has been with me since childhood, simply wont go away... As a result, some painful decisions have been made and processes put in place in order to start a new journey in faith...

Over the past twenty years or so, I have made the ultimate decisions in my life and have repressed and dis regarded my spiritual self as it simply felt too high a price to pay... and yet now, in this my third chapter of life, all that I have built and all that I know has been turned on it's head, as I strive for that which I feel was always meant to be.

A couple of weeks ago, I went on a personal, silent retreat.... What I learned from that retreat was my own human frailty... my wants and desires and more importantly my faults. We all have them, for that is part of being human... but how we address them is another thing. By simply being mindful of them can we strive to work at them which ultimately will  us  to become better people....

For now, all I need do is to take refuge in God and pray that my faith will sustain me as I move forward into an unknown chapter of my life.